The Brain Chemicals.

Brain is strange when it comes to how it makes us feel. There’s a kind of dopamine we get from everyday things,scrolling through videos, chatting with friends, or listening to music. I call it normal dopamine. It’s brief, like a quick rush, and it fades fast. But then, there’s special dopamine. This kicks in during unique moments It’s rare, and you don’t feel it every day, like talking to your favorite person, listening to a song that hits deep, or doing work that truly excites you. That feeling… It’s a different kind of feeling, much stronger and more fulfilling. it’s powerful, and when you lose it, nothing else seems to compare.

The first time I felt that special dopamine was when I used to talk to my favorite person. Those moments felt like magic, late-night conversations It gave me, laughing at things only we understood, and in those moments, I didn’t need anything else. They gave me postive life, hope, and motivation. But when that person was no longer a part of my life, everything fell apart. I didn’t just lose them; I lost a part of myself. It felt like the world around me crumbled, and I was left standing in the ruins, wondering what had happened.

I remember asking myself, What’s the point of all this? Why am I even here? What is life and its purpose? Life became a routine that lacked meaning, and no one could offer answers. No school will teach, not family no one. I was suffocating in my own thoughts, drowning in the emptiness they left behind. It hurt so much because nothing could fill the space they once occupied. The world moved on, but I was stuck, replaying every memory for months to avoid to feel depressed.

I kept overthinking, trapped in loops of regret and longing, feeling like I would never escape. And during that time, I realized just how fragile everything was. The very thing that used to lift me up had vanished, and I was left with nothing but questions, searching for something to hold on to.

In the midst of this, I found Ikigai. It wasn’t just a book it was a lifeline. I devoured every word, hoping to find answers, some way to make sense of the pain. It taught me about personal growth and finding purpose, and for the first time in a long while, I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could find my way again. But the journey wasn’t easy. I didn’t know what my purpose was, and I still don’t. But I realized that the path to finding it was all I had.

I began to focus on myself, on growing from the inside out. Slowly, the special dopamine started to return. Not from anyone else, but from within me and Japan. I started to feel good in my solitude, discovering that I didn’t need anyone else to validate me or make me feel alive. I was enough. I didn’t want to repeat the mistakes that left me broken before. I didn’t want to give anyone the power to control my emotions again.

My journey now is about finding my purpose, and Japan is the one thing that keeps me moving forward. It’s the only place that brings me that peace, that spark of meaning of life I lost. The culture, the history, the feeling of being connected to something greater, it’s what gives me hope. So, I’m doing my best to pursue it because, after everything, it’s the one thing that makes me feel alive again.

In the end, maybe it’s not about finding someone else to bring you happiness. Maybe it’s about finding it within yourself. That’s what I’m chasing now is a life that gives me that special dopamine, that joy, on my own terms.